It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
