Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
