It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
