Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your cock deserves a montage
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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