wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
