next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
