just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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