So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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