we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
