Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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