I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
