I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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