He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
