I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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