....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
