We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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