Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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