They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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