How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
