They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
