i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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