i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
