after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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