Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
