i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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