I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
