If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
