i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
