She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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