Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
