I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
