im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
