this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So many bounce houses so little time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
