Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
