All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
