My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
