i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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