the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
