just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
