Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
