This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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