She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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