I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
