Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
