toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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