I hope mine doesn't look like that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
