I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
