I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Text me some of your sweat
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
