Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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