PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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