I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
