Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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